funny how...

It seems silly that I have planned something for so long and it doesn't happen. Correction: it CANNOT happen. I am not sad. Just ... I don't really know. And nobody could really understand me. sad? no. It's comforting that no one could understand. And that nobody knows.

another rant

I should really stop looking at these wonderful people and just stop being so insecure. I know I know, I shall stop. Stopping. Gah. I can’t take it. Hmp! I think another rant is approaching.

I don’t know why I’m super insecure. If there were an award for the most insecure human being, it probably will be awarded to me. I don’t know. I just feel so puny sometimes. When I see big people, being all successful at things I failed to do... I just feel so small. And then my self-esteem goes kaputtttttt. When I see beautiful girls being... well... beautiful, I feel so small and ridiculously inferior.

To other news: I don’t get people who are asses and spend all their time talking about their stuff being cool, their “richness”. Whatever. Why’d you have to do that? Why’d you have to be a bitch? I mean, we are in the Philippines dudes. Why speak English then stutter and make it even harder for me to understand you? Why not speak your own native tongue you ass? I know I sound like a hypocrite, but I just use English here cause I don’t wanna limit my blog to Filipinos. But when you are talking to other Filipinos, why not have the courage to speak your native tongue? It’s very stupid that you think speaking English will make you cooler. Gahd.

random i-look-stupid pic

emo post

Okay. I am really sad right now. But I don’t really know why, but my boyfriend is trying to understand why I’m wired this way so now I’m trying to enumerate the reasons why I am really frustrated and a little depressed these past few days.

I guess it’s because of my insecurities? Hmm. I always compare myself to other people, most specifically to pretty girls. It’s sort of a sickness. And I always see people excelling in something I failed to do [like looking pretty or getting that much friends or having this and that]. I just feel like a big failure sometimes cause there are a million things I wanna do right now, now that I’m 18. But unfortunately, some things cannot be done and I am really frustrated. It seems pretty shallow that I act like this, but I don’t know, I can’t control what I feel [shit that was cheesy and tacky].

And sometimes, I get annoyed by the fact that I can’t please everybody. And some just hate me for no reason at all. Maybe I get really sad and frustrated because my high school batch didn’t really like me. Actually, people in my high school didn’t really like me. Some did. But the majority didn’t. And I know I’m not suppose to care and all, but sometimes it’s just sad that they don’t even know me and they hate me. [gah that was really cheesy and corny and I’m sorry. Hahaha]

Maybe because I am broke right now. Well, maybe that’s a reason. Cause I want to do so many things but I’m limited by my wallet. I wanna try lots of stuff but I can’t cause I have to be practical and thrifty. Because I see lots of people spending like crazy and boasting about it. I see people who do not deserve what they are getting, what they are enjoying. And it’s frustrating to watch other people squander money like that even though they are mean to their parents/bad examples/stupid/spoiled brats.

And the feeling of being left behind by people you trust and love[platonic] so much. People you had long talks with. People you joked and laughed with. People you were so close to but now it’s like your super close friendship never existed. It really makes me sad to see them moving on with their lives and not taking me with them. And I know it’s selfish of me to be this needy and stupid and stuff that I want to be a part of their lives. And it’s stupid to feel sad because of this. I know it’s a natural thing to just grow apart. But sometimes it makes me so sad and frustrated. I just miss hanging out with these people.

disclaimer: i sometimes contradict myself so just don't ask. i am a very moody person and i feel lots of stuff. sometimes i'm like this, sometimes i'm like that. so there. hahaha

something irritating happened to me today

there's this fat chick [am sorry but there is no other way to put this]. so like *cough cough. there was this fat chick. and seriously she was fat [mebbe her ass was like.... real big. not the sexy kind I tell ya, nor am I jealous! i'm not jealous! i am very happy with my butt thank you very much! see you all got me defensive and stuff]. okay she had a big ass, big freakin' deal.

well my friends. do you know the jeep? omfg if you don't then you are not pinoy. hmm anyway, I was there, minding my own business when this fat girl decided to stick her big ass on my side. okay, she was like, sitting diagonally. it was fucking irritating man! the space on the jeep was really like, super small for one person, and she WAS SITTING MUTHAFUCKING DIAGONALLY WITH HER HUGE ASS. :|

I mean, gimme some slack, cause we both paid the same amount, but you are HOGGING THE SEATS, WITH YOUR DIAGONAL/SLANT SITTING AND ALL.

so I decided that enough was enough, so i tried to like... hmm. maybe move a little away from her.

AND SHE EFFIN' MOVED TOWARDS ME TO STICK HER ASS ON MY SIDE.

GIANT FACEPALM INSERT HERE.

gah.that was irritating.

ok. bye. :)

twilight shiz

since my boyfriend is still asleep [my fault cause i made him wait for me last night], i am bored so i blogged again.

had a great time last friday cause i went swimming with the whole family! really fun cause it's been ages since we've done that again. really fun! wish we had more time. hahaha. got really tired after that cause i was really hyper and shit.

anyway. i'm still in bed at this very moment... feel so lazy just to get up. i think my eyes are starting to get all red cause of the excessive laptop use. hahaha. oh and downloaded civil wars comics thing for my boyfriend. hahaha. and also if you have .cbr files it's easier if you just download comic rack. it's like itunes for your ecomics. great find. and it is free! cool huh? just search it in google and you're done. no need to unzip or whatever those .cbr files. hmm. i feel like a computer genius now! [which i am definitely not.] HAHA

okay. he's awake. finally. hmmm. i am hungry.

oh and this is super funny.i found it here

fuckin hilarious don't you think?

the wonders of the internet. hahaha. really funny. you should visit that site more often. lots of funny shiz. that is all. and do check out . see yuh

good time yeah

had a good time today! hahahaha. thanks to flea markets/ukayukay/thrift stores all over lucena. hahahaha. shopped till i dropped. really. hahaha. was so tired after all the walking and digging for great bargains and finds. but really satisfied with what i bought.

*breathes deeply... oh shopping! you have done a fantastic job of calming my nerves and making me really happy!

but still i miss my boyfriend. :( 

hahaha.cheesy much. and i know it's just 2 days since we were with each other. hahahaha. okay, overreacting .

back to my shopping story. i won't show my EPIC finds! cause if you see me walking on the street, you shall know it is from my flea market escapade. HAHAHAHA. so you shall just think and ponder if it is from there or not. hahaha. you will never tell the difference between ukay ukay stuff and mall stuff i have. mwahahahahaha.

just to let you know how i look at this very moment...

made it really small cause i think i'm fugly in this picture. but i took it just a few minutes ago. ENJOY.

best noodles ever

HAD FUN AT CHINA TOWN!

yeah. had the best noodles EVAH! for just P130, yea i know it is a little pricey for just noodles but hey! it's not everyday i go to chinatown.

noodles nomnom

half gone :)

nom nom. all gone!

okay, to go to chinatown just take LRT from katipunan to recto then take tricycle ride to lingnam, lingnam is the best noodle house there is! haha. at least my parents say it is. we've been coming there since i was a kid, so the smell, the place and the people are all sooooo familiar. specially the smell. HMMM. totally worth it. really really was a happy camper.

hmmm the sights and sounds of chinatown. really had fun walking around and finding stores/restaurants me and my siblings used to go to when we were really young. as my mother recalls.

this is where we buy hopia. yea my favorite flavor is monggo. hahaha. i actually don't like hopia ube. -.-

me and mama

so many colorful packaging of hopia. hahaha. hmm. i love hopia monggo. (the pink pack). so yummy. when i was a kid, we had boxes of them in the fridge. hahaha. *sigh.. miss those good old days when at night i would creep into the kitchen and eat hopia. hahaha.

then we went to some place [forgot the name of the street] where there are all these veggies and fruits and

different seafood stuffs and tofu.

tofu balls? haha.

had so much fun. oh and my most favorite part. WE BOUGHT MACHANG. ahhhh machang. your sticky gooey salty oily texture. heaven. :)

with just P42 a piece. AHHHHH. :) we bought ten to bring home to lucena. HAHA :) i love em. if you haven't tried it yet, you should. we bought it in some store called holland? or holand? not sure about the spelling. really easy to find. [i think] from lingnam you just walk straight? hahaha. forgot the directions. hahaha.

photo courtesy of http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q47/sentrei/yummymachang.jpg

this is what it looks like on the inside. gooey nomnom-y heaven. hahaha. :) really yummy. taste good with ketchup or hot sauce. hahaha.

yea that's it for now. i shall post random things later.KBYE!